I was home trying to get some rest in between my contractions. It was not working. I was so tired. Every time I would start to fall asleep I would have a contraction. It sucked. I got up to pace the house. My contractions were still about every 10-12 minutes. I tried watching TV but I just couldn't concentrate on anything. I tried a hot shower to try to calm me down. That didn't work either. I was so tired. I started to cry. I was jealous of him sleeping so peacefully.
He woke up and asked me what was wrong. I told him about not being able to sleep because of the contractions. I had been having contractions at this point for over 12 hours. He asked if I wanted to go try again at the hospital. I said sure, we went to hospital once again. They examined me and said sorry not dilated enough, go walking to try to speed up the labor. Again I went home I just paced.
Morning came and we were set to have breakfast at a friends house. We went to their home and I just wasn't hungry. Nothing looked appetizing. I was a grouch. I was tired and in pain, I was hungry but didn't want to eat. Our friends who had 3 children laughed. They understood my frustration and mood.
We went home and I again paced. finally at 10 that night, after 34 hours of labor the hospital finally admitted me. He called my parents, they were coming down to the hospital. I got the epidural at midnight and I felt like I was in heaven. I finally fell asleep. The nurse woke me up at 5 am and said honey it's time to push.
Our first daughter was born. She was beautiful weighing in at 9 lbs 1 ounce. she was perfect. I cried, this was such a beautiful creation, I didn't know I could make. I loved her so much, I didn't know I could love someone at this magnitude. It was different from a developed love, this was instant love.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
get some rest
I went to the Doctors on my due date and she said everything looked fine and that I should be delivering some time soon. I was in so much discomfort. My sleep was constantly interrupted by a kicking baby or needing to go to the bathroom. Ugh, I was at the point where I just wanted it all to be over. I wanted this baby to be out!
His uncle has given us pagers so that if the need arose that I needed to contact him for the baby. It was friday and I was experiencing discomfort. nothing too bad just troublesome every half hour. Then the discomfort got more frequent. It was now every 15-20 mins. I thought this is it. I called him at work. He wasn't at this desk. I paged him, he was not returning my page. I called again at work. They told me he was upstairs roaming and probably talking to people. I paged him again, with the message "call home". Nothing.
Where could this man be, didn't he know I was dying in pain? He finally nonchalantly arrived at home 4 hours after my initial phone call. He asked me how my day was going and I started yelling. Where were you, where have you been? why haven't you called, who were you talking to? Why was I not the most important thing in his life at that moment. He was stunned and confused, he looked like he was being bombarded like the battle of Normandy and he could not find cover.
"I'm in labor" I yell.
He gets excited and then says, "why didn't you tell me?"
"WHAT!!!! I've been trying to tell you for the last 4 hours but you haven't called me back. Did you see the page?"
"Ohh yeah I saw that when I was getting ready to come home so I just came home. So are you ready to go now?"
"I was ready to go 4 hours ago!"
We got in the car. I with some urgency and he happy as a clam. I was mad, how could he be happy when I was so miserable. We tried playing a word game on the way to the hospital to take my mind off the pain. It was my turn and I was in the middle of a contraction. "Come on honey that's an easy one", he said.
My eyes turned red, I swear that my pointy ears came out and my voice sounded deep and rough, "You idiot can't you see that I'm in the middle of a contraction."He shut up and decided it was best he stay quiet 'til the hospital.
At the hospital they took me in, asked me questions and then they examined me. "Sorry, you're only dilated to a two. It's probably false labor. Go home and get some rest." What do they mean get some rest. How was that possible with discomfort every 10-12 minutes. I was already 1 week over due and they are going to tell me to get some rest. Don't they know I've been trying to get some rest for the past month! Home I went to "try and get some rest".
His uncle has given us pagers so that if the need arose that I needed to contact him for the baby. It was friday and I was experiencing discomfort. nothing too bad just troublesome every half hour. Then the discomfort got more frequent. It was now every 15-20 mins. I thought this is it. I called him at work. He wasn't at this desk. I paged him, he was not returning my page. I called again at work. They told me he was upstairs roaming and probably talking to people. I paged him again, with the message "call home". Nothing.
Where could this man be, didn't he know I was dying in pain? He finally nonchalantly arrived at home 4 hours after my initial phone call. He asked me how my day was going and I started yelling. Where were you, where have you been? why haven't you called, who were you talking to? Why was I not the most important thing in his life at that moment. He was stunned and confused, he looked like he was being bombarded like the battle of Normandy and he could not find cover.
"I'm in labor" I yell.
He gets excited and then says, "why didn't you tell me?"
"WHAT!!!! I've been trying to tell you for the last 4 hours but you haven't called me back. Did you see the page?"
"Ohh yeah I saw that when I was getting ready to come home so I just came home. So are you ready to go now?"
"I was ready to go 4 hours ago!"
We got in the car. I with some urgency and he happy as a clam. I was mad, how could he be happy when I was so miserable. We tried playing a word game on the way to the hospital to take my mind off the pain. It was my turn and I was in the middle of a contraction. "Come on honey that's an easy one", he said.
My eyes turned red, I swear that my pointy ears came out and my voice sounded deep and rough, "You idiot can't you see that I'm in the middle of a contraction."He shut up and decided it was best he stay quiet 'til the hospital.
At the hospital they took me in, asked me questions and then they examined me. "Sorry, you're only dilated to a two. It's probably false labor. Go home and get some rest." What do they mean get some rest. How was that possible with discomfort every 10-12 minutes. I was already 1 week over due and they are going to tell me to get some rest. Don't they know I've been trying to get some rest for the past month! Home I went to "try and get some rest".
Friday, July 29, 2011
He understood me
So a year ago we had been married by a judge in florida. Here we were two young kids in love. I was big and pregnant. Everything felt uncomfortable. My shoes, my clothes and especially my hands. My fingers had swollen and I had been unable to remove my wedding ring. I had tried to no avail.
For our anniversary he had taken me out to dinner and then took me shopping so that I could pick out my present. I was in no mood to go clothes shopping considering that I would soon be losing about 6-8 pounds. We walked around and ended up looking at rings at a jewelry store. I wanted to try on some rings and again tried to remove my wedding band. It did not budge and to make matters worse my finger swelled up and it started cutting circulation to my finger.
The jewelry store cut my wedding band off. Relief for my finger but sadness that on our anniversary my wedding ring was cut off my finger… what type of metaphor does that give. I started to feel sad and voice my feelings to him.
He got down on one knee and pulled out a small box from his pocket. "Will you be my wife for ever and ever", he asked me. He opened the box and it was the ring I had been admiring. He had bought it weeks ago and was just waiting for me to remove my ring so that he could give me the new one. It was a beautiful yellow gold ring with 2 rows of diamonds set in white gold.
I began to cry. This was definitely the man I wanted to spend eternity with. I loved him and he loved me. He understood me, and that was all I needed.
For our anniversary he had taken me out to dinner and then took me shopping so that I could pick out my present. I was in no mood to go clothes shopping considering that I would soon be losing about 6-8 pounds. We walked around and ended up looking at rings at a jewelry store. I wanted to try on some rings and again tried to remove my wedding band. It did not budge and to make matters worse my finger swelled up and it started cutting circulation to my finger.
The jewelry store cut my wedding band off. Relief for my finger but sadness that on our anniversary my wedding ring was cut off my finger… what type of metaphor does that give. I started to feel sad and voice my feelings to him.
He got down on one knee and pulled out a small box from his pocket. "Will you be my wife for ever and ever", he asked me. He opened the box and it was the ring I had been admiring. He had bought it weeks ago and was just waiting for me to remove my ring so that he could give me the new one. It was a beautiful yellow gold ring with 2 rows of diamonds set in white gold.
I began to cry. This was definitely the man I wanted to spend eternity with. I loved him and he loved me. He understood me, and that was all I needed.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Quirks
Here we were starting a family and trying to learn about one another. All those silly quirks that were not noticeable before or that were hid very well. I for one did not like to be touched while we slept. Being pregnant I felt like I emanated heat. I did not want him anywhere near me. If he accidentally touched me I politely shoved his arm back at him. I also did not like to wear shoes around the house so you could find my shoes everywhere, under the dining table, in the bathroom. I also leave my clothes on the bathroom floor even if there is a hamper near by.These were all small quirks. Things he could learn to live with easily. His quirk was not so easy.
On saturday mornings we liked to do all those things our parents forbade us. We would wake up and crawl to the living room to watch television. We would eat breakfast in front of the TV and concentrate on the Saturday morning cartoons. we watched X-men and Spiderman and our favorite Pinky and the Brain. I would be ready to start our day after this but not him. He had one more show to watch. Something he had been waiting to spring on me. Probably the most reviling show on television. Something I found disgusting and overrated… Wrestling. Yes my husband was into WWW.
How dare he hide this from me. How could I allow this form of entertainment to enter into my home. Who was this man that I was living with and about to have a child with.
"why are you watching that?" I asked
"Cause I want to", He answered
"this is a stupid show, please do not watch it"
"you are not my mother, do not tell me what to watch"
"Only stupid people watch this and you are not stupid"
"Well I am watching it so I must be stupid"
UGH!!!! This is a stupid stupid show. Why is he watching this. If he has the stupidity to watch this what other dumb things is he hiding from me. Fine I don't have to watch it with him, I'll just sulk in the bedroom. He shouts excitedly. "Ohh my goodness, you have to see what just happened, they're showing replays, come look!"
I was most certainly am not going to go look. Doesn't he see that I'm sulking. "I don't care" I answer him. No answer from him. Ah so he must be aware about how upset I am about this wrestling thing. I look out and like a little kid his eyes are glued to the action and he's cheering for someone.
I look at him and see the children we both are and all I think is he's cute and I love him.
On saturday mornings we liked to do all those things our parents forbade us. We would wake up and crawl to the living room to watch television. We would eat breakfast in front of the TV and concentrate on the Saturday morning cartoons. we watched X-men and Spiderman and our favorite Pinky and the Brain. I would be ready to start our day after this but not him. He had one more show to watch. Something he had been waiting to spring on me. Probably the most reviling show on television. Something I found disgusting and overrated… Wrestling. Yes my husband was into WWW.
How dare he hide this from me. How could I allow this form of entertainment to enter into my home. Who was this man that I was living with and about to have a child with.
"why are you watching that?" I asked
"Cause I want to", He answered
"this is a stupid show, please do not watch it"
"you are not my mother, do not tell me what to watch"
"Only stupid people watch this and you are not stupid"
"Well I am watching it so I must be stupid"
UGH!!!! This is a stupid stupid show. Why is he watching this. If he has the stupidity to watch this what other dumb things is he hiding from me. Fine I don't have to watch it with him, I'll just sulk in the bedroom. He shouts excitedly. "Ohh my goodness, you have to see what just happened, they're showing replays, come look!"
I was most certainly am not going to go look. Doesn't he see that I'm sulking. "I don't care" I answer him. No answer from him. Ah so he must be aware about how upset I am about this wrestling thing. I look out and like a little kid his eyes are glued to the action and he's cheering for someone.
I look at him and see the children we both are and all I think is he's cute and I love him.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Gifts from the heart
Our first Christmas together was a humbling experience. Money was not in abundance so it would be a simple Christmas for us. We had decided that we needed a tree to get into the holiday mood. The tree was a small plastic tree that sat on our end table. I bought a small box of decorations and did my best to dress up the small plastic tree. It certainly was not the big pine I was use to but it was ours. It was our opportunity to start new traditions and establish what Christmas would be for our family.
We had decided that our presents need not be big or major. We were both happy to be in each others arms. We would be spending the 24th with my family. we have traditions in my family beginning with getting up early to make tamales. Usually about 100 of each chicken and beef and about 50 sweet ones. It is a whole day event that's messy and tiring and fun. We arrived at my parents home and I was immediately put to work. I invited him to come and learn. After about 10 mins he was asked to leave so that we could continue our smooth operation we had developed that he was impeding.
That night we went home with a car load a gifts. Most were for the child that was yet to join us. My parents had given us gift cards for the essentials of gasoline and groceries. We were very grateful. We went to sleep and awoke the next day to see what Santa had brought for us. There was a small box for me. I opened it slowly. It was a necklace. Something simple with a heart shaped pendant. He opened his box. It was a sweater and a tie. Nothing extravagant but they were gifts from the heart.
We had decided that our presents need not be big or major. We were both happy to be in each others arms. We would be spending the 24th with my family. we have traditions in my family beginning with getting up early to make tamales. Usually about 100 of each chicken and beef and about 50 sweet ones. It is a whole day event that's messy and tiring and fun. We arrived at my parents home and I was immediately put to work. I invited him to come and learn. After about 10 mins he was asked to leave so that we could continue our smooth operation we had developed that he was impeding.
That night we went home with a car load a gifts. Most were for the child that was yet to join us. My parents had given us gift cards for the essentials of gasoline and groceries. We were very grateful. We went to sleep and awoke the next day to see what Santa had brought for us. There was a small box for me. I opened it slowly. It was a necklace. Something simple with a heart shaped pendant. He opened his box. It was a sweater and a tie. Nothing extravagant but they were gifts from the heart.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Language of love
"Why are you being so stupid" I yell.
"I can't read your mind" he answers.
"I give you every clue to what I want, why do you aggravate the pregnant lady?"
"Why is the pregnant lady so uptight about everything and expect me to know what her irrational mind is thinking?"
He slams the the door and leaves. Why would he leave in the middle of the fight? I want to continue until I am right. I know the saying that one who is right should apologize first then I guess I should always be apologizing because I AM RIGHT! Where did he go? Why does he leave me? Doesn't he know and understand that what I want is time with him. I don't care what we do I just want him to be by my side. Why does he leave at such a critical moment in our argument.
The 5 languages of love are touch, words, gifts, service, and time. Why doesn't he understand that time is how I perceive love. I want him always near me. I am so bored at home just waiting for this child to pop out that my day is divided into 2, the morning and when he comes home from work, regardless of the time. Where has he gone and why has he been gone for so long? Why do I feel abandoned? Does he even want to come back home?
The door opens and he walks in. He walks in sheepishly and looks at me. "I'm sorry" he says. Then he hands me a snow globe in the shape of a heart, there is a carousal horse in the middle. I wind it up and it plays The Wind beneath my Wings. I cry. "Im sorry" I answer back. I read the inscription and it says "Love like you've never been hurt".
His language of love is gifts.
"I can't read your mind" he answers.
"I give you every clue to what I want, why do you aggravate the pregnant lady?"
"Why is the pregnant lady so uptight about everything and expect me to know what her irrational mind is thinking?"
He slams the the door and leaves. Why would he leave in the middle of the fight? I want to continue until I am right. I know the saying that one who is right should apologize first then I guess I should always be apologizing because I AM RIGHT! Where did he go? Why does he leave me? Doesn't he know and understand that what I want is time with him. I don't care what we do I just want him to be by my side. Why does he leave at such a critical moment in our argument.
The 5 languages of love are touch, words, gifts, service, and time. Why doesn't he understand that time is how I perceive love. I want him always near me. I am so bored at home just waiting for this child to pop out that my day is divided into 2, the morning and when he comes home from work, regardless of the time. Where has he gone and why has he been gone for so long? Why do I feel abandoned? Does he even want to come back home?
The door opens and he walks in. He walks in sheepishly and looks at me. "I'm sorry" he says. Then he hands me a snow globe in the shape of a heart, there is a carousal horse in the middle. I wind it up and it plays The Wind beneath my Wings. I cry. "Im sorry" I answer back. I read the inscription and it says "Love like you've never been hurt".
His language of love is gifts.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Tuesday
I was doing well in my classes. I had a simple routine. On tuesdays I had a 5 hour break between classes. I did not like going home because then I had to travel on the bus and it usually did not leave time to do much of anything else. I would spend my time either across the street at the LDS church institute or i would be in the library doing homework. Sometimes I just walked around the campus.
On this particular tuesday I was in the library finishing up my homework and preparing for tests. I walked out and saw something in the quad. It was balloons and some man holding them. I just saw it in passing and decided to go to one of my other places to sit and wait for class to begin. I waited for a while and got bored and decided to walk the campus. Again I walked through the campus and saw the balloons. I thought how cute. As I got closer to the balloons I recognized that it was my husband and that he had flowers along with the balloons. I was surprised, excited and happy. He had brought them for me! He hadn't waited for me to come home he was happy and wanted me to be too."What's the occasion I asked", thinking we haven't had a fight in the past 24 hours.
"because it's tuesday, I need no other reason to show you I love you" he answered
On this particular tuesday I was in the library finishing up my homework and preparing for tests. I walked out and saw something in the quad. It was balloons and some man holding them. I just saw it in passing and decided to go to one of my other places to sit and wait for class to begin. I waited for a while and got bored and decided to walk the campus. Again I walked through the campus and saw the balloons. I thought how cute. As I got closer to the balloons I recognized that it was my husband and that he had flowers along with the balloons. I was surprised, excited and happy. He had brought them for me! He hadn't waited for me to come home he was happy and wanted me to be too."What's the occasion I asked", thinking we haven't had a fight in the past 24 hours.
"because it's tuesday, I need no other reason to show you I love you" he answered
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