Roots

This is a conversation I had with my daughter that I then submitted to a writing contest and I won the grand prize. 

"Mama what does the word roots mean?" My 5 year old daughter asks as we watch Alex Haley's Roots.

"Roots are where you come from, the parts that make you."

"What are my roots? " Her innocent eyes look at me for guidance 

Her quest for her roots has begun. each day we try to teach her the uniqueness of her heritage, We don't want to teach her race and color. 

I enter the room at night to feed the baby. She sits up, "Mama am I hawaiian? We live in Hawaii." 

"No babe, you are mexican and African American"

"Am I from Mexico"

"No babe you were born in Mexico"

Are you from Mexico?

No baby I was born in California also. Your abuelita Bertha and abuelito Carlos were born in Mexico and they went to California. They are both Mexican so that makes me mexican and since I'm your mama you are part mexican."

"Am I North Carolinian?"

Chuckling, "Why babe?" 

Well daddy's from North Carolina 

Yes babe but a long time ago his family came from Africa. 

Oh ok. 

Goodnight babe

goodnight Mama

Happy Valentines Day

For Valentines Day I got  a great surprise, my house was ready for me to move in. He still wasn't home so I would get to do all the decorating and decisions by myslef… POWER! We were given a 4 bedroom house. It was part of a duplex in a little cove of 10 houses. It was perfect, it had a playground right next door and air conditioning! Which is a must in humid Hawaii.
I was excited to have all my things back, my bed, my pots and pans, my bedding. Until now most of the things I had were loaned from the military MWR. We had always fought about where was the best place to put  things in the kitchen like appliances and dishes but this was my time and only mine! hahaha I was in charge and could arrange things any way I wanted!
I was all moved in and now how to tell him we had moved? He was still gone and I could only communicate  with him in 25 words or less

Message: We moved new phone number , girls miss you. Kitchen is perfect. Love you. -miriam

Love in the form of a stranger

With the hubby gone and with three girls by myself, I was bored. Don't get me wrong, I loved playing with the girls but I missed adult conversation. The nights were lonely, I missed his caressing touch. One Sunday I was in church sacrament meeting having just returned to the pew from one of the various tasks of nursing a child, changing a diaper, or removing a screaming kid, I sat down. I was listening to the sermon when once again someone was crying, making another child cry, or just trying my nerves. I began to cry. All I wanted to do was to spend one peaceful Sunday and be spiritually filled, but instead I was frustrated and exhausted and alone. I cried as I tried to entertain the kids, why do I even come to church, Why do I subject myself to this, when it would be so much easier to stay home and have the same fights with no expectations of peacefulness.

As I sat there wallowing with tears streaming down my face a woman I did not know picked up the toddler and handed her to her daughter and then took the 2nd one and put her on her lap and then took the baby and swaddled her to sleep.She did this without asking me if I needed help, she didn't say a word to me, she just saw that I was in desperation and became my angel. The girls all stayed with her and I was able to listen and more importantly feel the love heavenly father had sent me in the form of a stranger.

SuperMom

 A month after the baby was born, he received an assignment and told me he would be leaving at the end of the week. To where, I don't know, when he would be back I knew even less. I was frustrated.  He was leaving me with 3 kids and without friends and family, this was not going to go good. We all got in the car to take him to the airport. 3 kids, 3 car seats. The baby was one month old, #2 was 15 months old and the oldest was 3 ½ . This task was a circus act. With three kids it's like you run out of arms. Finally got into the car and drove to the airport.
When we watched his plane leave, I cried but not because I was going to miss him but because I knew I was going to go crazy with all these kids. I was 100% in charge of every diaper change, every night time feeding, every tantrum.
Grocery shopping was the worse. Have you ever tried going shopping with one child now times that by about 30 and now you know whats it's like with 3 kids under 4. We lived on the 2nd floor of an apartment building with only stairs. The apartment was over our garage. trying to get groceries into the home was a nightmare. I felt like the  old age problem of the wolf, the goat, and the cabbage. But me being me, I was able to carry a baby in a carrier, 3 bags of groceries, a purse, guide two children S-L-O-W-L-Y up the stairs and unlock the door. This is when I discovered I was SUPERMOM! why didn't anyone ever tell me.

Half my life

I know I usually think things like this are cheesy but today I celebrate half my life with my husband. I was married at 18 and today we celebrate 18 years. These 18 years have not been easy. As a matter of fact they have been harder than I expected. I feel like our relationship has been manic depressant, our highs have been very high, Our children's birth, buying our first house, returning home from deployment and our lows have been down right depressing. I've cried more than I ever expected from the pains he has caused and I know I have inflicted wounds too, but they have healed and are healing with salve and kisses. I am grateful for this opportunity to be with him 18years later. I think of of all the cheesy songs, I think about  all the nights one of us slept on the couch. I think about how we both are determined and stubborn and sometimes that was the only reason we stayed in this marriage. But here we are. I love you honey. I truly do and we are here together. Through thick  or thin, through the roller coaster ride. I love you and no matter what that will always stay true.
Kiss kiss

I think I'm in labor

Another warm winter day in hawaii. We did our Sunday routine of going to church and then taking a nap. I felt uncomfortable. I couldn't get to sleep, just tossed and turned while he serenaded me with what he calls deep breathing others would call it snoring. I decided to pace, that didn't make me feel better, sat down to watch tv, didn't help either. I couldn't pin point my discomfort just felt like something was not right. Then finally like an epiphany I woke him up, "I think I'm labor."
"Are you sure?" he asked
"No"
"Do you want to go the hospital?"
"I don't know"
Let me explain why this conversation was kinda nonchalant. We were still new in Hawaii and going to the hospital would be an huge ordeal of having to have someone stay with the girls or take the girls to someone else's home. we decided to go to the hospital with kids in tow, if I was in labor he could then ask someone to come pick them up.
We went a sure enough, I had already dilated to a 6. so here we go with baby #3.

My prison, his santuary

I felt stuck in hawaii. We only had one car so when he left to work I was stuck at home with two kids. I was new to the area, didn't have any friends, and lived in a semi industrial part of Aiea (for those of you who know). The mall was a little ways down the street, but the prospect of walking at 8 months pregnant with a double stroller did not appeal to me. Another thing is that we lived on a hill so I would have to walk down the hill and then back up, not to mention that Hawaii is a humid state.
I know that Hawaii is suppose to be paradise but but not being able to experience it, all I could think was that this is hell. My day once again was divided into two, this time though it wasn't dependent on whether he was home but if I had a car. So it became my trap vs my freedom. Just to escape and take my kids to a park, or walk in the air conditioned mall was what I waited for.
It became this odd dynamic he came home (his sanctuary) and wanted to stay home and play with his kids and spend time with me, I wanted to leave the home (my prison) and go frolic at the park or shop.