a montage of responsibilities

Wow I was pregnant. We had never discussed when we wanted to start a family but today would be a good day to begin. I called him and said "We're pregnant". He was excited, I was in shock. I had never seriously thought about having a life grow inside me. Something I had created. How could I create a child when I felt like a kid myself. Responsibilities loomed in my head. No longer was this marriage something I could contemplate in my head. There was a another life that would be involved.

I attended a pregnancy class at the hospital. after hearing all the descriptions and symptoms and the birthing process I was scared. this was not going to be any easy thing. It was going to be difficult and bothersome and painful. Didn't realize that this is what i was signing up for. My first appointment was set for in 2 weeks. Enough time to continue to process this reality. I was going to have a little boy or little girls who would be 100% dependent on me... a mini me per-se. Was I ready for that type of responsibility? If not, I better get ready within the next 8 months.

That weekend I went out with some friends. We ended the night in the wee morning and were on our way back to base. There were four of us, the driver, my roommate in the passenger seat, me in the back seat, and one other guy seated next to me. We dropped off the guy at building on sub base. I was so ready for bed, it being on the other side of the base less than a mile away. I fell asleep in the back seat, my roommate fell asleep in the passenger seat, and then the tragedy, the driver fell asleep.

I don't remember the accident, I have small pictures in my head like a montage. I remember the driver pulling me out of the car crying, I remember the paramedic trying to talk to me, I remember getting wheeled down the corridor of the hospital. I remember stating "i'm married contact my husband, he's station in Mississippi." I remember them shaving my head because of a gash, I remember crying.

I woke up. It had felt like a dream. The doctor came in and asked me to lift my leg. He asked me again to lift my leg.  I looked at him and told him I am. And then I looked down and saw that my legs were not responding.